So a few years ago, I was taking a few different medications. One of them was Seroquel.
I did not like Seroquel, at all
While taking Seroquel, I was gaining a lot weight. I blame that partially on the constant hunger cravings it gave me, but there may have been more to it — e.g. how it affects the brain. I won’t go into all my theories about that, because it isn’t my point of this article.
Negative thoughts, possibly caused by Seroquel
After being on Seroquel for several months, and even feeling somewhat stable with the other medications – I started to develop very negative thoughts, including suicidal ones. Now, I have been suicidal before both while on and not on medication. However, this was different. I felt relatively good, other than these thoughts. The more that the dosage of Seroquel was raised, the stronger the feelings became.
And something bad happened…
One night, I got so overwhelmed by these negative thoughts, that without considering much of anything else, I decided to overdose on all of my medications. I had a strong urge and desire to die, even though the rest of my life was seemingly improving.
The result of that was…
I got very, very sleepy. I ended up passing out on the couch, and the next thing I remember is my father coming in and asking me if I was alright because I had been ‘out cold’ for a long period of time. I couldn’t speak properly — all I could do was point at the empty pill bottles. After doing that, my father asked me if I wanted to go to the emergency room, and I believe I just nodded, because I felt like I was sick, dying and I was completely out of it. I don’t even remember going to the ER.
I woke up, in the hospital. I saw a nurse looking over me, and asking how I felt. I was still mumbling from all the medication in me. It turns out, it was too late for them to pump the drugs out of my stomach. So they put me on an IV, and did whatever else they do in attempt to clear out my system and keep me alive. She tried to get me to urinate in a cup in front of her, and I recall having a difficult time doing so while so drugged up – it was hard to stand up, let alone aim for a small cup. TMI? 😉 Well, somehow I eventually managed to get enough for her, and shortly after I went back to sleep for a while. They woke me back up and told me I had to stay awake, so I didn’t go into a coma or something. So I stayed up to the best of my ability, and drank a lot of water.
And even more hours later…
I remember seeing some of my family there, concerned about me, and wondering why I would even do that. I don’t remember the explanation I gave them. All I know is that even though I tried to kill myself, I was happy that I was alive and they were for me. Eventually, I was able to stand up, albeit a bit tipsy and I needed some help to walk around. We finally checked out of there, probably almost a whole day later, and I was taken home.
Other consequences/changes to my life
If I recall correctly, after a few days, we decided that I would go stay with my mother for a while to change my environment and be watched over a little more.
I went to my psychiatrist (at the time), and they suggested that I start participating in group therapy among other things which I was not comfortable with.
I told them I wouldn’t do that. So they ended up dropping me as a patient. As a result of that, and the fact that what Seroquel seemingly did to me (which quite frankly, scared me) – I stopped taking all of my medications altogether for 2-3 years.
The worst part is, for an entire year after I overdosed on 4-5 medications, I felt like half of my brain was not even alive. I was stuttering, slow and had a difficult time speaking or feeling any emotions. I felt stupid. My brain most likely healed itself somewhat since then. But to this day I still feel different, and slightly slower than I used to.